Today has been interesting. I woke up this morning, late, after an eventful weekend with family and friends at different events. Nothing I did over the entire weekend, had any relevance to what I woke up to this morning though. A dream, only briefly involving my best childhood friend.
Sonja. Where are you? Are you alright? Are you well? Still going to school like you last texted me you were doing? Are you with Samantha still? How about your parents? Are you alive?
My dream was nice to me because I was seeing my childhood friend for the first time in over 5 years. Even though it was a dream, it meant a great deal to me. In the dream, I was having her spend the night at my place, no if's, and's or but's. I wanted to catch up and to try and engulf myself in a grand time with my first girl next door, best friend. She'd been my neighbor and my close friend since Middle School. Or maybe even the latter half of 5th grade. In my dream, I not only was so excited to have her stay the night over. I kissed her on the lips because I was so excited.
I've only kissed her on the cheek, once, during a game of spin the bottle. We were never intimately close. We were just best friends, always supporting one another, coming over at random hours, laughing and living as kids growing up to teenagers, do. I'm not going to splurge the entire history of everything between us because that's not the point I'm getting at or thinking about. I'm thinking about this uncalled for, unexpected, unbelievable teaser of a dream. Showing her to me, as if it was the present, as if I could see how she'd changed, and before we could even get to sitting down and talking, ripping her away from me again.
In my dream, she didn't look very good at all. Not good in the way she looked the last time I saw her anyway. She smoked, a long time growing up. But the last I saw her, she still showed zero signs of ailment from smoking or from her lifestyles. She looked normal. Blonde hair, blue eyes, short, peach skinned; a golfer, a lesbian, an ex-punk, and more. But in my dream, she looked like she'd been on some heavy drugs at some point in the years I missed her. She looked like she had some pretty bad symptoms, shown in the distinct veins in her cheek and the scars on the side of her neck. She looked like she'd been clean for a whole year all the way through til me seeing her in my dream. Like she'd gone to rehab and was clean and was promising on her life to stay clean after whatever had happened. She looked like she wasn't in school anymore. Not a graduate; just... working and making end's meet each day, but clean from the bad influences.
Whatever she looked like though, to me, I was just happy to see her again. That's why I insisted that she was staying the night and we were going to catch up. That's why I kissed her in my dream. That's why I woke up, rushed, disillusioned and sad as I headed off to work, late.
This was only the morning...
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This afternoon hit me with something new. If it had been a little different, I wouldn't be worrying so much and I'd just be careful to monitor the activities of my mother differently.
My mom has Pneumonia. "The doctor said I have Pneumonia, and that it's highly contagious." She told me in a phone call as she headed on her way home this afternoon. Pneumonia. It's dangerous. I don't know how bad she really is because I haven't seen her since yesterday morning, the day of July 4th. She couldn't join the whole family in celebrating because she felt awful. And now we know why.
She's supposed to just rest a lot and drink fluids and avoid contact with others for the next few days. Days. No work, no restlessness. Just sleep and drink and eat and rest more. Stop moving back and forth between the living room and the kitchen and the bedroom and back. Stop driving around. STOP. She won't listen of course. It's in her personality to keep moving, feeling that she knows everything about health and how to handle it. Pneumonia. People die from this. I'm afraid for her life... She's going to stress herself into an early deathbed... And I don't know how I'll react or what I'll do. Especially if she had the ability to keep it from happening, but disobeyed on her own accord. STOP DOING OTHER THINGS AND REST.
Rest and get better. Get better and then you can work again. But the first step is to stop stressing your body and your mind out. STOP IT. Rest please. And feel better. Get well.
Damn it... damn it, damnitdamnitmdamntidamnti.....itiitititititdamnit...
I don't give a shit about some Casey Anthony trial. There's shit happening all around the world. People lying all the time. I don't care that I have to work very carefully all this week because the 4th of July weekend backed everything up. I don't give a fucking two cents that I could be eating food that may or may not be holding contagious aspects of the sickness.
I care that my best friend growing up, showed up in unexpected conditions, in my dream no less, and was ripped from me. I care that my mom could potentially end up hospitalized.. or worse... Especially if she won't listen to everyone who's medically trying to help her. Stop thinking about if the food tastes good or bad. Stop thinking about everyone being unable to see you this week. Stop thinking about me. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND GET WELL IF YOU WANT EVERYONE ELSE TO FEEL BETTER TOO. FOCUS ON YOURSELF. Please. For the love of all gods. Please.
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